GIve Me Some Sunshine

okay, i realized i haven't done my new year tradition, so here it is:

First of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011! :) okay, so I normally would do a review of my 2010 but this time, I’m doing something different by making it short :P

2010 has been nothing but bittersweet. it had it ups and it had its downs but more downs than ups i must say. lets see..

New years countdown at home, as usual, but the phone conversation made it special.

January; The Balcony. nuff’ said.

February was slow and boring.

March, the Big B happened and I also lost my maternal grandfather.

April, was also slow and boring.

May, ended with me being happy.

June, celebrated my birthday three times with three different groups of people.

July, August, September, consisted of many close friends birthday celebrations, spending time with family.

December I lost my maternal grandmother.

I guess 2010 has been a real whirlwind of emotions and in all that, I lost myself. I watched myself fade away. I distanced myself from everyone, became more reserved and kept to myself and was constantly angry with myself. The green monster constantly consumed my thoughts. I became very emotionally unstable. oh, and the best part? I still feel all that.

2011, please be good.

and I’d do anything to just feel better.

Let me hear You say

I forgive you, I love you. You are mine, take my hand

Go in peace, sin no more, beloved one.


Standing by your door, knowing that You’ll say

I forgive you, I love you. You are mine, take my hand

Go in peace, sin no more, beloved one.

yes, i know this is about 2 months late, but whateves :P

this is my 2010, in a photoscape :)



New Years Countdown, 2010/2011 :)

You're Not Sorry

All this time I was wasting,
Hoping you would come around
Ive been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down
And its taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking well be fine again,
But not this time around

Looking so innocent,
I might believe you if I didn't know
Couldve loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause its worked each time before

You had me falling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade


You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't want to hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry.
No.

She means the world to me, and I hope she knows.

Dear Bestest Friend,

I've known you for 4 years now and throughout that 4 years, you have been nothing less than extraordinary. You make a huge impact on everyone you meet. you made such a huge impact on me, I still remember the first sentence you said to me :P "HI! I'm SHERRRRRIIIIL" *flicks hair* and from then on, we grew into bestest friends that at one points I spent everyday in your house even when I actually wasn't supposed to. We pulled off the Balcony(yes, that's what I'm calling it) and then the Big B and Small B and then Independence day. Gosh, so many memories :) Yea sure, now i don't spend that much time with you, but nothing's changed. Promise, Pinky Promise :)

You're in SMK DU??
REALLY?
OMG!! There's some bluddy Impostor that's been following me back home and going to school and tuition with me then!!! SHIT!!
...
I better call the cops
XD


you know i was never good with words right vermicelli. So, I'm gonna stop here. BUT, this doesn't mean I don't love you because you know, I love love love love love love love you.


ohoh, random fact: not a day goes by that something doesn't remind me of you :)


thanks for being the porky to my buckwheat
the Brooke to my Peyton
the Haley to my Mia
the robin to my lily
the turtle to my monkey
the porky to my buckwheat
the Kenan to my Kell

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you mean the world to me. You mean more to me than chocolates :)


And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me, everyday i will, remind you.


So, here's to the girl i call my partner-in-crime, my bestest friend Tengku Sheril Amirah Bustaman.


And once again, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PORKY :)


Love, Jo

trust me.

so i guess the emo-ness in me makes me blog :P

Another good weekend for the books. from spending Saturday evening laughing and crying with tg’s family to sleepover with the girlies that lead to late night Milo, Tea and *cupboard* to watching a movie till 4am then waking up at 10am and cooking, yes you read right, COOKING heavenly breakfast and lots of catching up done throughout this whole thing.

i only have one thing left to say, TRADITION! :D prettyplease! :)

I've just been feeling a little disconnected from people and even things for that matter. i just feel like everything's moving and i'm not. i feel like my life is stagnant. and the scariest part? that every day i think to myself, stop wasting time and go do something about your boring life, so that's why i have taken a challenge to do one thing everyday that scares me. baby steps remember? :)

i must have been high, to say you and i weren't meant to be and was just wasting my time.

Complete with Clichés and Metaphors

something you said struck my mind and i came up with this:

if you died, i would probably become cold and bitter. there's this episode in one tree hill where when Peyton "dies", Brooke becomes this emo girl who doesn't talk to anyone, screams "leave me alone" to anyone who talks to her and just shuts the world out.


this would be her.

when/if you die, that's whats gonna happen to me. because i would have lost,




~ my bestest friend.
~ my unofficial mother
~ my secret keeper
~ the person who does random things with me like,
~ my crazy adventure person
~ my to go to person
~ the person with the quirky antiques
~ my movie buddy
~ the one whom i share all my private jokes with
~ the one i have 'mind-conversations' with
~ the whole, just one look can send us into fits of laughter
~ the one who reminds me of almost everything i see

so when you say no one would notice, i would. nothing will ever be the same anymore.


cause the thought of losing you scares the living hell out of me.

i'm not your angel

"you're too nice"

lay here beside me

I know that the bridges that I've burned along the way
Have left me with these walls and these scars that won't go away
And opening up has always been the hardest thing
Until you came

So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go
This feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
And I just can't take my eyes off you

I love when you tell me that I'm pretty when I just wake up
And I love how you tease me when I'm moody, but it's never too much.
I'm falling fast, but the truth is I'm not scared at all
You climbed my wall

but not goodbye

last sunday, something father simon said that keeps ringing in my ear,


"where do i stand in my journey of faith"


i have always been a good catholic girl that my parents raised me to be. the "go to church every sunday. never miss sunday school" type. but during confirmation camp night, something hit me.

"why do you go to church? do you go to church because you believe in God and know you need him or just because that's how you've been brought up, to go to church every sunday and that God is magnificent?"

and ever since then, i have never stopped questioning my faith.

*its all in my head. its all in my head*

I dont

bawled my freaking eyes out.




i feel we're slipping away.

in my world

You know I always stay up without sleeping
And think to myself
"Where do I belong forever
In whose arms, the time and place?"

never knew what i was missing

updaaaaaates! :D

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the best weekend so far was spent with the parents - daddy (adderlymrcookiemonster), mummy(The Bestest friend Tengku) and the sister(NAD si penguin!) - from watching despicable me again and spending the whole day as a "family", to dinner with rosal(the godfather) and adi(abadabdoooo) and fiqi and then jingbanging with rish :)

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dear you,

no more getting my hopes up.


love, me.

reasons for that special someone.

* Good morning text messages
* Late night phone calls.
* Falling asleep on the phone.
* “Babe, guess what?”. “What?”. “I love you”.
* I miss you/I love you random phone calls.
* Being grabbed by the waist.
* Kisses, especially on the forehead.
* 127817392 photos together.
* You guys fight, you walk away .. he comes back for you.
* He’s always there for you, through thick & thin.
* When you watch romantic movies or see couples you don't feel half as bad.
* Because everyone deserves to feel like they mean something to someone.

and not forgetting,

CUDDLES! :)

larger than life.

its cold.

you know your messed up when you cry over episodes of greys anatomy. yes not one, but 3.

you know your messed up when you cry over songs.

you really know your messed up when you laugh so hard and then out of no where start crying and then go back to laughing.


this emptiness is killing me.


i'm going to say its the exam stress but i really dont know.

i'm fine, really. its just kinda freaky.

guilty as charged

yesyes, i have not updated for yonks now :P will update soon! i'm still alive :)