in my head.

RANT!

one,

makes me feel like I'm an incompetent, doesn't know anything, all she does is sit in front of the computer, never does anything in the house person.
"that's all you ever do. sit in front of the computer"

the other,

makes me feel like a complete failure, a screw up, an ass, a dumb midget who doesn't know shit and i would want to be related to her but unfortunately i am.
"i dunno why they let you do it. you'll definitely screw it up. like everything else"

and, the one who means the most to me,

finds ways to show me she thinks i am stupid, embarrassed to even be associated with me, never fails to remind me of the stupid person i am. and shows clear favoritism.
"I'm embarrassed to even say you are my daughter." (her words, not mine)


and people wonder why i have such low self esteem, really..

i was never given the chance to do anything i wanted.
driving.
dancing.
singing.
performing.
hanging with them.

somewhere along, i learned to shut it out. doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.


its not supposed to get to me but it does.




*breaths* that felt better.